Can Metal Gear Survive? A Konami Rant

FOREWARNING: This is obviously an opinion piece. Not everyone may agree with my thoughts that I’m going to express, and that’s totally fine. Please keep that in mind before you begin to read, and temper your expectations accordingly. Thanks!

Well, here it is, folks. Fans of long-beloved stealth action video game franchise Metal Gear Solid were all warily awaiting for an announcement from Konami about just exactly when the series would become a bastardization of its former self while no longer being helmed by Hideo Kojima. Turns out that we didn’t have to wait very long at all. This week at Gamescom in Germany, Konami unveiled the latest iteration in the epic franchise. You can watch the announcement trailer below:

Metal Gear Survive. A 4 player co-op experience set in an alternate universe during the aftermath of the destruction of Mother Base in Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes. Through video game magic, players are transported to a dark and dreary hell dimension where the former members of the Militares San Frontieres must work together to survive an onslaught of evil crystal nightmare zombies. Seriously, I can’t make this shit up…

The game utilizes the Fox Engine that Kojima spearheaded with his team while creating Ground Zeroes and The Phantom Pain, which was promptly stolen from him shortly before Kojima’s “magnum opus” was released last September. A great engine, no doubt; one that allowed fans to navigate wide terrain and use their own tools of the trade to infiltrate enemy forces and capture outposts. An engine that truly deserves better than a sneaky, and painfully desperate amalgamation of a bunch of things we’ve seen before.

It’s like Konami went to their meeting room, brought out a giant blender, and threw in everything they think appeals to modern gamers, and grounded it together in some bitter slurry that they expect us to guzzle down like the consumerist slaves that we are.

“What do kids like nowadays? Online Multiplayer, duh! The Phantom Pain was popular, so we have to milk that cow until it’s teats are swollen and useless! How can we spice this up so it isn’t more of the same? Oh, I know! ZOMBIES! Everybody loves zombies! This couldn’t be a marketable gameplay experience without the appearance of those mindless, people-munching bullet fodder. Oh, right. Better throw in a ridiculous, spinning firework explosive bow and arrow combo that’s guaranteed to make 12-year-olds cream in their pants…”

JESUS, Konami. What the HELL? This is what you want to do with the Metal Gear name? Just diarrhea out tired and hokey video game tropes into a failure stew? They had to be working on this pretty much right after Kojima’s departure, because this caricature of a game comes out right around the corner in 2017.

There are SO MANY things you could’ve made instead of this. Something that would actually hype the fans of the series into MAYBE giving enough of a shit about Metal Gear to even consider buying anything else from your company. Maybe remake the NES classics Metal Gear and Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake? Or even The original Metal Gear Solid utilizing the best of the Fox Engine? Remakes are totally the it thing anymore. If you’re going to shamelessly capitalize anyway, you might as well get your money’s worth out of it FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST.

This is what happens when publishers get in the way of artistic vision. This is what happens. We get Left 4 Dead 3: The Phantom Taint.

Just looking at the like/dislike ratio on the trailer on Youtube, I can tell that many fans of the series share my sentiments. I knew that something like this was going to happen, I just had no idea it was going to be so soon. In a way, that makes it worse somehow. It’s like they had to make as much money as they could as soon as possible, so they dumped all of the assets they already had together, vomited out a familiar gimmick, and jizzed the name Metal Gear all over it so that morons will buy it.

Well, I refuse to be one of those morons. I hope you do as well. This is our chance as consumers. Konami doesn’t care about Metal Gear. They care about money. Their shady tactics almost prevented me from buying even The Phantom Pain, but I was essentially honor bound to Kojima-san to see his vision through to the end. Kojima isn’t there anymore. He was picked up immediately by Sony where he belongs.

Don’t give Konami the satisfaction. Don’t give them your hard-earned money for this crazed bus hobo jerk off session. They’ve made their game plan clear so let’s make sure they never pull this crap again. Metal Gear died with The Phantom Pain, the rightful swan song of the franchise. If we refuse to buy this abomination, they won’t make anymore Metal Gear games. Yes it’s a sad thought. Kind of like putting down a beloved pet that went rabid. Let’s Old Yeller the shit out of Metal Gear, so it can be put out of it’s misery and laid to rest. Then, we can remember it for the amazing series that it was.

Fans of Kojima needn’t wait too long for a new experience from his newest project Death Stranding. It looks mysterious as hell. Watch the trailer, it’s DOPE:

He even got Norman Reedus back from his quelled attempt at breathing life back into the Silent Hill series. I’m truly excited to see what Hideo Kojima can do with fresh ideas and free reign to do as he pleases. He’s probably had a multitude of ideas gestating for decades. Now he can truly play with those concepts and hopefully create a stellar game experience out of it.

So, don’t fret, Metal Gear fans. The spirit of those games —Hideo Kojima— will continue to live on and thrive in exciting new places.

Let’s put a stop to this Konami bullroar. Take that 60 dollars and buy yourself something more preferable…like a colon cleansing or something. Anything is better than Metal Gear Survive.

For more about Metal Gear Solid, check out my review of Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain. Thanks for reading!

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