superpowers

The Top 10 Coolest Super Powers EVER — A Preferential List

Admit it, you’ve thought about this. If you’re following this blog (thanks), then there’s a good chance you’ve thought about what power you’d like to have if you were a superhero. Maybe you’ve fallen hopelessly down the internet rabbit hole, taking countless personality tests, trying to find out what your superhero power would be. If you’re nerdy enough, maybe you’ve tried with all of your might to pick up the TV remote with your mind only to shit your pants instead. Not that I know from experience, or anything…ahem…

ANYWAY, I was just sitting around, being awesome — when I started thinking about super powers. Everybody obviously has a preference for what they think is coolest, so I’m going to warn you that this is a subjective top 10 list, unlike my top 10 road trip snack food list, which is clearly and obviously FACT. Deal with it.

My main hope is that this will spark a fire in you to think of your own list and share it with others. It’s always cool to hear about other people’s opinions…even if I think they’re totally stupid and wrong.

So, here goes nothing. I give you…The Top 10 Coolest Super Powers EVER!

10) The Copycat Power (replication)

taskmaster copycat superpowerJust think about this. You watch somebody doing super sick parkour, and your brain records how to do it through osmosis. Without any training whatsoever, you obtain the physical abilities and dexterity of anything you happen to be looking at at the time. Need to get some stylin’ dance moves for a pop-and-lock-a-thon? You’re covered. Ashamed by your horrible pole vaulting skills? Watch some other asshole do it, and you’ll be hopping over shit in no time!

Notable character with this power: Taskmaster — Taskmaster has the innate ability to record anything he sees with his mind and perform these skills on the fly. He’s learned from several superheroes this way, including how to use a shield like Captain America, shoot a bow like Hawkeye, and even flip around like Spider-Man himself. If you’re unfamiliar with Taskmaster, check him out in action in Ultimate Marvel VS. Capcom 3.

9) Super Speed

Superfast flash super speedThe ability to run and move really fuckin’ fast. There are several ways that this could be useful. For instance, say you really gotta take a dump. That may sound silly, but let me elaborate. So, you’ve gotta drop a deuce the likes of which no man has ever seen. Maybe you’re embarrassed at the prospect of going number two in public? I’m not judging. Having super speed would ensure that a person with even the most irritable of bowels will make it home safely and just in time. That way, they won’t have to throw out another pair of fancy dockers. (Stain resistant, my ass…)

Notable character with this power: The Flash — Sure, Marvel may have Quicksilver, and thanks to the latest batch of superhero movies, he has become a household name now. Flash was the OG Speedster, though — his character first dashed onto DC’s pages 75 years ago!

8) Invincibility

world war hulkA lot of people would probably put the nigh ultimate resistance to damage higher on this list, as it essentially makes you unstoppable. Well, un-killable, maybe. The truth is, I’ve always thought invincibility was kind of a cop-out power, and not necessarily the most useful of them. Being invincible would be great for you, personally. Fall off a huge ass cliff while trying to take a cool selfie? No worries! Invincibility ensures that you would tumble down the rocks with style. Being resistant to damage is very useful, but there is little style. It’s not really “cool” per se, and being invincible doesn’t necessarily make you an effective superhero — you need a little bit of offensive ability to accommodate it.

Notable character with this power: The Hulk — Our favorite mean, green, smashing machine is essentially invincible, and incredibly OP (overpowered). Not only is Hulk highly resistant to damage, his effective power increases exponentially the further he is pushed. Not only can he survive cosmic blasts that can destroy planets, he can even withstand the vacuum of space. There really is no foreseeable limit to Hulk’s ultimate power.

7) Laser Vision

cyclops xmen shooting skyThe ability to shoot targeted beams of energy directly from your eyeballs. Who needs guns when you literally shoot endless lightsabers out of your god damn face? I think it would be badass to have the ability to melt a dude down to a pulpy slurry just by staring him down, but maybe that’s just me.

Notable character with this power: Cyclops — Scott Summers often gets a bad rap, often being displayed as a whiny, and condescending N’Sync fan. I thought the movies really cheapened his character. The Cyclops that I know was a natural leader that would command respect when he entered a room. He was also a formidable threat, because he could blast a hole right through you if he wanted to.

6) Weather Control

storm xmen lightningThink about it! You would possess the ability to bring stuff down using mother nature. There’s no telling the pure, unbridled destruction one would be capable of if they could throw a FUCKING TSUNAMI at you, or channel lightning from the sky and bring it down upon those who challenge them.

Notable character with this power: Storm — Native Wakandan and resident mutant badass, Ororo Munroe is often downplayed in the movies, but her raw powers are utterly devastating. Why call in a clean up crew when you can send Storm in to assault evil-doers with the literal power of the Earth at her fingertips?

5) Head Explody

johnny the homicidal maniac jhonen vasquezYes, you read correctly. Imagine if you could summon the will to explode somebody’s head with your mind. People would be too afraid to mess with you if you could just think really hard, and spackle the walls with their brains. Believe it or not, this power has actually been in something before.

Notable character with this power: Johnny the Homicidal Maniac — If you’re not familiar with this small comic series, then you’re missing out. It was created by the guy who made Invader Zim, only these comics are much less kid-friendly. At one point in the series, Johnny kills himself and is teleported to Hell and Heaven. While in the latter, Johnny realizes that everyone there possesses almost limitless power, and begins exploding people’s heads to prove it. This causes a hilarious chain-reaction of people repeatedly exploding each other’s heads until a nun tires of the display and explodes everyone’s heads at once. It’s a weird series. You should check it out.

4) Time Manipulation

hiro nakamura heroes time travelSee the future. Stop time. Go to the past. Change your destiny. The fabric of time is a very fragile thing, or so we’re made to believe. Many heroes have acquired technology to transport themselves through time, but few can wield this power practically without severe side effects. Thanks to the butterfly effect, a cavalcade of shit can hit the fan when you mess around with time. Moving about time and space tends to have pretty large ramifications, but you can’t tell me it wouldn’t be amazing to be able to rewind or pause whenever you make a colossal mistake.

Notable character with this power: Hiro Nakumura — This cheery and ever-optimistic Japanese guy had some pretty amazing adventures. He even experienced the life of a samurai for a time! Heroes took an unfortunate turn, and it was never really the same after the infamous writer’s strike of 2008. Luckily, Tim Kring and the gang will get a second shot at re-invigorating the series later this year. For the time being, it seems we haven’t yet seen the last of Hiro Nakumura.

3) Teleportation

nightcrawler teleportationA much safer, streamlined version of traveling instantly from one place to the next. You can use time manipulation to make it appear as though you’re teleporting, but it is definitely the more unruly of the two powers. Hate repairing your piece of shit car? Literally teleport instantly to work so you’re never late! Ever wanted to see Disney World, but can’t afford the exorbitant fees? Blink once, and you’re there. Break into any fortress, take whatever you want. With teleportation, the world is your oyster.

Notable character with this power: Nightcrawler — Anybody who has seen X2: Xmen United remembers the show-stealing action sequence in the White House, as Nightcrawler seamlessly beats the shit out of rooms of hapless Secret Service agents. Nightcrawler was one of my favorite X-Men growing up. For one, he just looked cool. Throw in the fact that he can be anywhere he wants in the blink of an eye, and I was immediately sold.

2) Telepathy

charles xavier professor x xmenHave you ever wondered what people really think about you? Think that those trifling jive turkeys across the way are talking mad shit? Telepathy lets you read others’ thoughts, dominate their will, and even control their bodies. You never have to try again. Just walk right up to the bank teller and make them give you a bunch of money. (I think it’s good that I don’t actually have any of these powers, by the way. I always immediately think about the most nefarious things I could do, and I almost certainly would wield such power in a negative fashion.)

Notable character with this power: Charles Xavier — Professor X is (er, was) one of the most powerful characters in the Marvel Universe. He was able to communicate across the entire globe at will, learn languages and abilities by scanning brains, and was even capable of transferring those skills to other individuals. He wasn’t always the most noble of people, but he always strove to do what he believed was right.

1) Telekinesis

jean grey telekinesisThis is it. My personal favorite superpower of all-time. Telekinesis is the ultimate power for the lazy couch potato that I am. Why would you need to get off your gigantic ass if you could pull the remote to you with your own mind? Reaching for things is one of the most vile and tedious practices that we as a human species have to endure. With telekinesis, you could stop anything in your path, or just plain throw it out of the way. Top shelfs would no longer be a problem, neither would stairs. You could literally just lounge in a chair until all things good fly your way.

Notable character with this power: Jean Grey — While I’m in love with this superpower, i’m not a big fan of Jean Grey. Dark Phoenix aside, she never really seems to utilize her powers to their maximum ability, and is more often than not resorting to whining her problems away. Plenty of other characters have some form of the ability, but for a long time, this was mostly Jean’s jam. You can’t deny her epicness, though. Jean messes shit up like you wouldn’t believe.

Well, there you have it! This can be a hotly debatable topic, and everyone has a different list. I just thought it would be fun to discuss with all of you. Have a different top 10? Let us know in the comments! I’m not the most  encyclopedic when it comes to comic book knowledge, so it’s very possible I overlooked something much cooler than what’s on this list. Stay super, and thanks for reading!

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